I appreciate the concern you have for me and my emotional well-being. Without many of you, the past year of my life would not have been survivable, let alone exciting and ridiculously fun. For all the support, love, and time, I am infinitely thankful and blessed to have each of you in my life.
That being said, no, I do not want to get drunk on Sunday. I do not want to smash stuff, burn things, cast voodoo curses, or anything other than the usual stuff I do on Sundays (which lately has consisted of sleeping in, laundry, and... laundry). If you would like to hang out, let's do so because we're hanging out and not because it's March 4.
I know I'm one to place strong emotional ties to things like anniversaries, and I know I am often easily triggered by strange associations I've built in my mind. However, I am not going to have a nervous breakdown. I am not going to backslide into a compromised emotional state. I may have one or two moments throughout the day of, "Oh hey, it's my wedding anniversary," but other than that, I don't really anticipate an issue.
I do not want you to come over and help me "process stuff." I do not want you to call to "check in" on how I'm doing... if we're in regular contact, you probably have a pretty good idea of how I'm doing (exceedingly well, for those of you playing along at home), and the calendar day isn't likely to change that. I honestly don't really want to think about it at all. (If you really want to come by, you can help with the vast amounts of laundry I'll be doing, and I may feed you lunch.)
Here's the other thing: my new relationship did not enable me to survive the failed marriage. That train of logic is backwards. My ability to survive (and do so beautifully, if I do say so myself) was something I enabled myself to do, and it made entering into a new relationship possible. "She's doing well because of a boy" insults me greatly and undermines my journey; it assumes I could never be happy without another person (a man, at that) to validate my existence, which is fucked. I went from having never really been "single" as an adult to being a fiercely independent woman in a short period of time, and I did so by myself, lovingly enabled by continuous support from a rad group of close friends and family members. So before you look to my current relationship for a reason why I'm so damn happy, remember that my ability to be a joyous autonomous human being came first, not the other way around. My happiness isn't hingent on being involved romantically with someone else (and by the way, neither is yours).
So again, thank you everyone for helping me be the reason I don't want to do anything differently this coming Sunday. Your love and friendship means the world to me, and hey, next time I do want to smash things/burn stuff/cast a few voodoo curses, I'll know who to call.
Love,
LG
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