The Humorless Feminist

Yeah, that's right.  I'm weighing in on the Daniel Tosh clusterfuck.

See, when one speaks out against the use of sexism in comic routines, they risk being labeled "one of those feminists without a sense of humor."  The humorless feminist stereotype has been a cultural archetype since the radical feminists of the 1970s first spoke out against using women's disenfranchisement to make a joke. 

Many people continue to tell themselves that rape jokes are not only okay, but they're also funny and don't do anything to perpetuate rape culture.  We've somehow come to allow ourselves the privilege of invoking gender oppression for the sake of humor, all the while telling ourselves that sexism, misogyny, sexual assault, and partner violence are things of the past (or at least don't exist in our own social circles).  However, in a country where 20% of women report being sexually assaulted, where the gender wage gap still exists as prominently as it was decades ago, and where our government continues to legislate our bodies and sexualities with ease, how can even the most light-hearted jab not reaffirm our society's commitment to gender discrimination? 

This kind of humor has really become popular in self-described "enlightened" circles.  Maybe a person fancies himself a feminist and supports the right to choose.  He probably condemns wage discrimination and treats his female friends and partners as equals.  He may have helped organize Take Back the Night events, and he may speak loudly about the importance of consent.  From this, he may feel he's "earned" the right to make a rape joke or two; after all, he would never rape anyone, so what could really be the harm?

What he doesn't realize is that the women in his extra-enlightened, uber-sex positive and politically radical social circle are just as likely to have experienced sexual assault as the women in the repressed circles he and his friends love to scoff at.  That means that, for every rape joke he tells, 20% of his female friends are forced to hear the worst thing that's ever happened to them turned into a mechanism for cheap laughs.  Worse yet, the ever-present stigma of being a sexual assault victim means that these women are unlikely speak up, lest they become labeled "humorless feminists" who allowed themselves to be raped.  Even the playful jabs of "bitch make me a sandwich" smack of regressive social norms and help to maintain the constraints of male dominance.

Not wanting to be left on the sidelines of social clout, women themselves often become complicit in the maintenance of rape as an acceptable source of humor.  For us, it's even harder to unpack.  After all, haven't we, the clear majority of sexual assault victims, also "earned" this right?  We face the threat of sexual assault every single time we work late and have to walk to our cars alone.  We worry about stopping for gas late at night.  Our hearts skip a beat when we're in the shower and think we hear someone in the house.  We're warned from early childhood about getting into cars with boys, accepting alcoholic beverages at parties, wearing clothes that show too much skin, dancing a certain way, etc.  Why not take this horrendous reality and laugh the weight off of it once in a while, if only while in the company of other women?

I struggled with this one for a while, then I finally realized that, at least in my experience, the opportunity to make a rape joke never really comes up in all-woman gatherings.  It's not that we were censoring ourselves: the compulsion simply isn't there.  From this I can only conclude that jokes about sexual assault exist almost exclusively in rooms where male privilege dominates, and let's be real, male dominance exists even inside groups of anti-sexist wingnuts.

And yet we refrain from speaking up against it, lest we become "the oppressors" ourselves.  How dare we police someone else's god-given right to free speech?  I mean what is this, Nazi Germany?  This is perhaps the most frustrating (and most difficult to refute) accusation, the one that probably silences us more than anything else.  By turning the language of oppression against us, we become the bad guys while they continue perpetuating rape culture under the guise of "freedom of expression."  And with that, we continue to be silenced.

Let me get one thing straight: I have a phenomenal sense of humor.  It's actually a bit warped, which makes some people uncomfortable.  I use the word "fuck" a whole lot.  I enjoy incredibly raunchy jokes, especially those that take an ounce or two of intellect to fully appreciate.  In proper circles, I can make a whole group cringe, laugh, then cringe some more as they add my side-splitting anecdote to their own humor arsenals.  Best of all, I can do it all without having to use sexist or racist language.  That's the opposite of having "no sense of humor." 

My question is, how bad is your sense of humor that you have to turn to years of social injustice to get laughs?  How bad is your vocabulary that you have to use sexist slurs to make a point?  And how lacking in whit are you that you have to use one of the worst possible things that can happen to a person just to make a joke?