Toddler Nursing in America

American society has this strange relationship with breastfeeding.  By which I mean, while we're supposedely a "medically advanced" nation where breastfeeding is actively promoted by many health care professionals, we're also a capitalist nation where the breasts are commodified for the pleasure of the dominant gaze.

We tend to be 100% pro-breastfeeding in concept, but once a woman oversteps her bounds, leaving the home only to take the breast out to feed the baby in public, we flip out: "Couldn't she have prepared a bottle ahead of time?" "She should put a blanket over her baby's head!" "Why doesn't she formula-feed while in public, then breastfeed at home?" "I don't need to see that!"

Our societal "support" for breastfeeding indeed has its limits, and nowhere is this as clear as everybody's favorite, the time limit.  Even though the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding beyond infancy and well into the toddler years, I guess the United States is just beyond all that.

For some reason, women who breastfeed older babies and toddlers are always making the news.  From the mother's perspective, I suppose the press is a good way to raise awareness of toddler nursing, the reasons some women might forgo weaning for a while, the reasons their children like to breastfeed, etc.  But the news never seems to use their story in such a way; indeed, women who breastfeed toddlers are "extreme," they are "anomalies," and therefore, they are news-worthy.  They legitimize their stance by bringing in specialists to weigh in:

"Child psychologist Will Braun told ABC News, 'I think a child really needs to learn to develop the capacity to soothe oneself, the capacity to tolerate frustration.  When a child is constantly given a breast, it might thwart that from happening.'"

Yes, small children need to be taught to buck up and get over it.  Never mind that most crying children would receive breast-free condolences from their parents anyway... children who need soothing are going to be robbed of learning the American Way: pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and don't ever rely on anyone else for help (that shows weakness).

And of course, where would the modern day news media be without the comments section? The Peanut Gallery always has something to say, especially when it comes to women's health.  So as you can imagine, a story relating to toddlers breastfeeding is pure gold.  Some of my favorites:

• "These kids are getting robbed of nutrition!  When are they going to learn to eat grown-up food?  That can't be good for them."
• "Oh my god, those poor children are going to be so messed up!"
• "Time to cut the cord, lady!"
• "So self-serving, [featured mother] is not doing her kids any favors by stunting their development like that."
• "I would not let my child have a friend who was still nursing!"
• "This woman is abusing these kids.  She should be locked up for child abuse."

 I noticed first that several comments show a complete lack of understanding about what, exactly, is involved with toddler nursing (or breastfeeding in general).  So I'll break it down real fast:

• Older infants and toddlers get both breastmilk and solid food.  In fact, most babies (hopefully) will have a period of time where they are still breast- or formula-fed and are starting to eat solid foods.  This is how many babies are weaned, by slowly replacing breastmilk with grown-up food.  A woman who still breastfeeds her toddlers is not exclusively breastfeeding.  That's ridiculous.
• A woman who breastfeeds a toddler is not doing it for wholly nutritious reasons.  While extended breastfeeding does in fact help to continue to fight off allergies and infections as the baby grows, for most children nursing is about being soothed, bonding with Mommy, and getting ready for bed.  It is possible to have benefits that can't be quantified in some study, you know.
• Toddler nursing does not stunt a child's development by somehow "locking them into infancy."  In fact, breastfeeding for longer is associated with better social skills and trust of others as the child grows up. 

But what's most troubling here are the accusations of "abuse," of "messing the child up" as s/he grows and develops with access to the breast.  Once again, these comments exhibit a complete lack of understanding about social use vs. biological use.  The breasts are not inherently sexual, especially to a child who has only ever seen the them as a soothing, warm way to eat and bond.  Why is breastfeeding a three year-old any more "sexual abuse" than breastfeeding a baby who's only just been born? 

When it comes to women's issues, especially when it comes to pregnancy and mothering, time and time again we see that other people think they know best.  A woman who enjoys one glass of wine during pregnancy is "selfish."  A woman who formula-feeds her newborn is "risking their health" regardless of what led her to that choice.  A woman who breastfeeds her older baby is "abusing them."  Women whose babies cry in public need to feed them right away, but not from the breast, or at least not without throwing a blanket over the baby's head.  Women always need to do something different, personal desires be damned, for the sake of a baby that society will simultaneously take and not take responsibility for.

It all comes back to our fickle acceptance of breastfeeding.  We know the benefits, we accept that it's something women might do for a short period of time, but we don't want to think about it or see it.  We know it's best for the baby, but we don't want the baby to ever remember doing it.  We can't have babies growing up to not think of the breasts as inherently sexual; no, there's millions lost there.  Besides, where would our breast cancer campaigns be without booby jokes?!