One thing I've learned in speaking with a variety of people on the ever-controversial topic of "the A word" is that being pro-choice doesn't always carry the kind of in-depth understanding of one's own position. Pro-choice people come in all types. I've met folks who are staunchly pro-choice but swear up and down that they would never have an abortion themselves. I've met people who are pro-choice in that they don't believe it's any of their (or the government's) business what women do with their own bodies; for this reason, they choose to abstain from any political or social action for reproductive rights.
Values are different than stance. One's political convictions don't always match personal beliefs. I am pro-choice, but it wasn't until the last year or so when I began turning those beliefs inward to ask what I feel about abortion myself.
I consider myself fortunate to have never experienced an unintended pregnancy. While I can say with confidence that I probably would have had an abortion had I become pregnant when I was in my late teens/early twenties, today I have no idea what I would do if I found out that I was pregnant. I am at such a different point in my life, and while financially speaking I'm not in the most comfortable place, I am in a great relationship with someone who loves and respects me, I have a college degree, I own my house, and I'm on track to develop a new career that would be pretty forgiving of a baby suddenly joining the picture. I wish my position was that of every woman... I understand that the choices women make when faced with an unintended pregnancy are directly influenced by their circumstance, their values, their relationship status, and their goals. I think there would be a time in almost every woman's life where becoming pregnant would have warranted, at the very least, considering the option of abortion. With that in mind, being 100% against abortion simply doesn't make sense to me. All women are different, each has a story, and their feelings are always valid.
I think it comes down to trusting women. That has become my mantra as of late, since I find it provides a concise argument for keeping all reproductive options accessible. While I appreciate the unapologetic cries of "Abortion On Demand And Without Apology" from highly political advocates, I find that the pro-choice movement at large could always use one of these values clarification workshops to take ourselves past our concise slogans and get into the real nitty-gritty of what it is we're fighting for on the personal level. Hasn't that always been the argument, that abortion is a personal decision? Values surrounding abortion aren't fun to delve into, they don't make good protest signs, and they're not nearly as cut-and-dry as terms like pro-choice/pro-life. But for the sake of our movement and the thousands of women and families who depend on our continued efforts to keep all options open, processing one's own values is imparative.
I say I trust women. What does that mean? In short, it means I believe people are capable of making their own decisions. Now obviously we sometimes even have to fight for women to receive accurate information (as is the case with crisis pregnancy center awareness), so there's a political battle even there. But from a personal standpoint, what does it mean to trust?
- I trust that, with access to comprehensive and unbiased information, all pregnant people are capable of choosing the best path for themselves. This includes teenagers who can become pregnant but for some reason often cannot access abortion without a parent's consent.
- I trust a pregnant person's feelings about abortion. This includes the desire to not have an abortion even if society dictates that it would be the "correct" or "best" thing to do. It also includes those who are staunchly against abortion on a political level but have them themselves because they find they have no other option. A woman who chooses to not have an abortion even though she may be young, unemployed, single, or in a bad relationship is not proving anything about abortion at large; her choice does not make abortion inherently wrong, and her personal life does not have to be co-opted for someone else's political agenda.
- I trust people's emotions surrounding their abortion: relief, guilt, shame, sadness, joy, ambivilance, anger, empathy, regret, confidence, fear, etc. I know what the surveys say, about relief being #1. But that hardly means this is the only emotion that is valid, or even that women don't feel emotions in addition to relief. We can go all day on whether or not negative feelings about abortion are due to man-made stigma or if women under-report sadness. What it comes down to is, women experience a range of emotions, usually not all negative or all positive, and each and every one is valid for her situation. Understanding this is essential to our movement's success in ensuring each woman truly has a choice; it is not the same as "selling out."
- I know that saying things like "it was just a blob of cells" is the least helpful thing someone can say to a woman experiencing sadness after an abortion (or miscarriage). Questioning her feelings displays a lack of trust and is not going to make those feelings go away. Women also do not need to hear your political convictions on abortion if she hasn't asked for them. It is possible to be pro-choice and at the same time create space for the expression of negative emotions about abortion; in fact, it is required to be truly pro-choice.
- I know that each woman is unique and that unintended pregnancy is sometimes a lose-lose situation. It may be that no single reproductive option is 100% right for her, no matter how obvious the right answer may seem to an onlooker. I trust that women can be confused about what to do about an unintended pregnancy without becoming a case study for the antis.
- I trust that every pregnant person will invite her partner/parents/friends/options counselor into her decision if she feels that it will be helpful. Until she does, it's none of anyone's business what she does. This goes for teenagers, women whose boyfriends are pushing for the abortion, women who are not terminating a pregnancy conceived from rape or sexual assault, women whose boyfriends are pushing against the abortion, etc. If she made the choice, it is valid.
- Lastly, I trust that 99% of people who work at abortion clinics are doing it for the right reasons. Contrary to what you might have heard, abortion clinics do not usually profit greatly from providing abortions; they usually lose money on the procedure to keep it accessible. There are some bad eggs out there, I while I believe clinics that do not maintain high standards of care should indeed either improve or be shut down, I believe the real magnitude of the problem lies in the over-worked/under-staffed/under-funded nature of the American abortion clinic, a situation that is a direct result of continued stigma.
