Your Doula Training: The Cast of Characters

Note: The following blog entry is an intentionally irreverent parody of doula stereotypes.  While it is true that several characters depicted below were inspired directly by women in my doula trainings, any likeness to anyone in particular is purely coincidental.  

That being said, let's reinforce some stereotypes!!
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So you're becoming a doula! 

You've probably already decided that your personae fits within your understanding of what a doula is.  Understandable, that's what I thought as well.  Until I attended my first training.  It was then I realized that "the doula personae" is not always what you think.  In fact, there are many kinds of people (highly different from one another, as you'll find) who believe they also embody these qualities.  You might experience some serious cognitive dissonance when you meet them.  How could you be the same kind of person as her?!  Are you really that crunchy/grandmotherly/opinionated/touchy-feely? 

Don't panic.  You're probably not very much like most of them.  There are maybe hundreds of pregnant folks in your area, and they probably each have a very unique perspective on what a doula is.  That's why families interview more than one of us... heaven forbid a conservative religious woman ends up with a transgendered anarcho-feminist, or vice-versa. 

You will notice, however, that there are definite patterns in the personae of aspiring doulas, each with their own unique perspective on birth, women, and life in general.  Let's take a quick tour of the major ones, shall we?


The Experienced Mama

If her mismatched, spit-up-stained attire didn't give her away, her advanced insight into the birth process most definitely did.  The Experienced Mama is the one who has had a number of varying birth experiences.  She can speak from experience on induction, c-section, VBAC, and natural birth.  She has probably taken a variety of childbirth classes, and who knows, may be on track to becoming a childbirth educator herself.  When it comes to breastfeeding, she's experienced it all, and probably is still nursing her youngest child.  A kind, sisterly woman in her 30s, The Experienced Mama will score big on the relatability factor when she starts going to interviews.


The Religious One

You picked her out the moment she drove up in her full-sized van covered in pro-life bumper stickers.  She's not just religious; she's an unapologetic fundamentalist.  Like The Experienced Mama, The Religious One has had a variety of birth experiences... how could she not, she has 10 kids!  Of course, unlike The Experienced Mama, her birth experiences are likely to be recounted with vaguely-relative Bible passages.

Here's a woman who believes in "keeping her womb open to the will of God."  Meaning, she does not use any form of birth control (including FAM), believing that God will decide how many children she will have.  She pipes in rather often, decrying the modern age as a force that has made women forget "what their bodies were made for."  Her clinging to "the way God intended it to be" rubs the majority of the room the wrong way regardless of religious affiliation.  Look for an entertaining spat between The Religious One and The Rabid Feminist during lunch.

The Rabid Feminist

She made her entrance donning a tank top that read "FUCK PATRIARCHY." Between that and the vulva pendant hanging around her neck, The Rabid Feminist doesn't hide why she's interested in becoming a doula.

She probably has a history as a pro-choice activist or a clinic escort.  She is fascinated by the process of childbirth, the strength of laboring women, and finds it all to be political in nature.  She drives the group slightly bonkers with her constant correction of "the generic he" and her many off-kilter remarks about how not all pregnant folks identify as women.  Despite her fierce attitude, she seems rather taken with The Natural.

The Natural

Here's a woman who, before the training even begins, seems to radiate doula.  We're always told that being a doula is more about presence than experience, and in this person's case we believe it.  She has probably never attended a birth before, and while she knows childbirth basics, she in no way possesses any more trainable doula skills than any other person in the room.

The Natural has a voice that immediately calms.  It's quiet while being firm, reassuring and instantly relaxing.  When she speaks, shoulders around the room drop an inch.  Her face naturally rests in a pleasant expression, even if she is not physically smiling.  In her other life, she is probably a Reiki practitioner or a clinical herbalist.  She's adorned in loose-fitting, neutral toned garments and several pieces of under-stated turquoise jewelry.  Look for The Natural purchasing bulk herbs in your local organic co-op.

The "At My Birth, We..."

The one thing that brings the whole group together, aside from the desire to be doulas, is the growing disdain for The "At My Birth, We..."

While she means well, this is a person who can't seem to stop relating every single topic back to her own experience.  It seems literally anything said by the trainer or fellow participants can be related back to The "At My Birth, We..."  Discussing epidurals?  She thought about having one of those, but by the time the anesthesiologist got there the baby was already born.  The double-hip squeeze?  Her husband did that, and it helped for a little while but not during transition.  Turkey sandwiches for lunch?  She had one of those after the birth of her 1st child, but after the 2nd she'd had roast beef. By the end of the training, the entire group could write whole volumes on this woman's birthing experiences.

She might be the same person as The Experienced Mama.


The Conspiracy Theorist

The entire medical establishment is out to get you.  At least, that's the case if you believe The Conspiracy Theorist.

Having no medical experience herself, The Conspiracy Theorist "knows in her heart" (or possibly read somewhere on the internet) that inductions and c-sections are never actually necessary.  She pipes into the discussion rather infrequently, but every time she does, her remarks raise eyebrows around the room.  "Did you know that the postpartum eye goop has been shown to cause blindness in rats?"  "Did you know vaccines contain a chemical that brainwashes children?"  "Did you know that school lunches contain tracking devices so that the government can keep an eye on you at all times?"

The Conspiracy Theorist is the only person in the room who scoffs when the trainer discusses car seat laws and will likely be the same person who gets all doulas banned from the area hospital. 

The Traumatized

The uncontested heartbreaker of the group, The Traumatized has experienced the worst that the field of obstetrics has to offer.  Maybe she was uneducated and timidly agreed to an unnecessary induction.  Maybe she had care providers who wouldn't inform her about what was going on.  Maybe she had her first baby young, or maybe she had endured a c-section after the epidural had worn off.

Whatever it was, The Traumatized brings tears to everyone's eyes when she gently recounts her birth experience.  Her impetus for becoming a doula rests primarily in her mission to ensure no woman ever has to endure what she endured.  Or maybe she later had a beautiful birth experience with a doula and wants to share that with the world.  The Traumatized can speak to the cascade of interventions with tears in her eyes, though as a survivor she in and of herself is a healer.  She may inadvertently add fuel to the flames burning within both The Rabid Feminist and The Conspiracy Theorist.  



The Bored Housewife

This week, she wants to be a doula.  Two months from now, she might be enrolling in karate classes. The year prior, she briefly considered selling Mary Kay.

The Bored Housewife probably suffers from "Empty Nest Syndrome."  Her entire adult career has centered around being a wife and mother, and now that the kids have left the nest and her wealthy husband spends most of his days on the links, she needs to find a new cause to keep herself active.  She's sincere about her passion, but she lacks the motivation to move forward with it.  Or maybe she does and becomes the best doula ever.  Only time will tell.


The Birth Junkie

Some people jump out of airplanes.  Others shoot up heroin.  This woman gets her fix attending births.

The Birth Junkie is nothing if not passionate.  She will go on to love and connect with every mother she works with, but let's face it... at the end of the day, the reward is in the crowning.  Such an adrenalin rush lasts her several days, at which point she collapses on her bed awaiting her next client's call.  Though she may be older, The Birth Junkie never seems to get tired of the work.  Younger doulas look up to her and regard her energy as nothing short of awesome.  Her only downfall is that she tends to relive her own birth experiences vicariously through her clients.

She may be the same person as The Professional Grandmother.

The Retired Nurse

In her years of working labor and delivery, this woman has seen it all. If the doula trainer cannot answer a question about the physiology of childbirth, bet your bottom The Retired Nurse can.

She worked as a L&D nurse for a while, but the long hours and hospital wear-and-tear finally got to her.  With her nursing career behind her, The Retired Nurse is excited to be responsible for only one laboring family at a time, and better yet, she doesn't have to subject women to vaginal exams ever again!  As an added bonus, she already knows all the area's midwives and obstetricians.  Her pitfall will be her impulse to adjust fetal monitors or do a quick blood pressure check during labor, but overall, you can count on this one to be a champion doula.


The Professional Grandmother
Your first conversation with her ended with you thinking, "Well isn't she nice!"  That's her inner doula already shining through.  The Professional Grandmother is what you'd consider to be a "motherly doula."  Her kids are all grown and maybe have even had the privilege of having her at their own births.  Women will hire The Professional Grandmother first and foremost because she reminds them of their own mother (without all the maternal baggage, of course).