Being a non-Mom

When I made the decision to pursue an IBCLC certification, I knew there would be some challenges to gaining the required clinical hours.  As a non-medical professional with no interest in becoming a registered nurse, I first questioned whether or not the IBCLC certification was even possible.  In speaking with IBLCE representatives and several lactation consultants, I learned that there are many pathways to gaining the hours needed to sit for the IBLCE exam.  Being an RN is not necessary, and in fact, many lactation consultants I spoke with at a recent conference were thrilled to meet a woman who was a) young, b) non-RN, and c) still interested in pursuing a career in lactation consulting.  They said the profession could use some "new blood," and having LCs around who come from a doula background instead of a medical one is welcome.

The recommendation I heard over and over again at the conference was, "Become a La Leche League leader!"  I had contacted my local LLL chapter, but haven't yet heard back.  So today, I went on their website to see exactly how I might best become a supporter of LLLI and possibly become a leader.

The first and foremost requirement is that you be a mother who has breastfed her children.  I can understand why this might be recommended, or even what might bring a woman to become a LLL Leader in the first place, but a requirement?  I do not wish to insult the amazing women who work with LLLI, nor do I want to discredit the invaluable work they have done to promote breastfeeding in their  communities, but this seems unfair.

One could defend LLLI: "Well, a breastfeeding mom would know what the women she serves is going through."  This is true, but any woman who has breastfed more than one child can tell you that each baby is different; I sincerely doubt an LLLI leader, regardless of how many children she's breastfed herself, can personally relate to each and every experience brought forth by a mom that needs some assistance breastfeeding. 

I have encountered the same in my work as a doula.  One of the first questions several prospective clients have asked me is, "Do you have children yourself?"  I have been rejected outright from even being granted an interview for this reason, while others have simply chosen not to hire me without saying why.  I have also heard of women not wanting a doula who has not VBAC'ed, home birthed, had a cesarean, birthed twins, etc.  While I believe firmly that it is their right to choose the doula they feel best fits their needs, the idea that non-moms make crap doulas is pervasive to a fault.

A woman at an online doula forum I read agrees that non-moms are ineffective doulas.  Her thought process: "Would you hire a fat nutritionist?"

Okay, first of all, we're talking about totally different things here.  A nutritionist who preaches good health but chooses to eat unhealthy foods is not the same thing as a woman who has chosen to not have children yet.  Eating healthy and entering into a lifetime commitment where your entire existence is consumed with taking care of another human being are completely different things.  Besides, who's to say an unhealthy nutritionist chooses to eat unhealthy foods?  And who's to say a woman who doesn't have kids has chosen not to have them?  What if this nutritionist has a thyroid problem?  What if this non-Mom is unable to get pregnant, or has had multiple miscarriages, or has lost a baby?  Or, {gasp} that she just doesn't want kids but sees value in providing support to those who do?  Saying a woman who has never had children is a bad doula is like saying a doctor who has never had brain surgery is a bad neurosurgeon. 

Secondly, as I mentioned before, each and every pregnancy and birth is different.  Even if you find a doula who has VBAC'ed, or cesarean birthed, or home birthed, or whatever, your experience is highly unlikely to be a carbon copy of hers.  Besides, doulas don't just run on their own experience; if we did, we'd only be able to support women who were having identical pregnancies, which of course would be useless.  Doulas are professionals.  We are professionally trained, and we are trained to provide support for a variety of birthing experiences.  A woman who has had twenty kids is no better at providing labor support as a woman who has, for whatever reason, had none.  (Would you hire Michelle Duggar as your doula?  Me neither.)

So back to La Leche League.  I understand that LLLI was established by breastfeeding moms, that their entire tradition was built on peer support and a sense of camaraderie.  Maybe the issue is that we need to expand our understanding of what "peer support" can be.  Maybe, instead of assuming that similar experiences makes you better able provide support, we need to understand that all women are able to support one another as a collective sisterhood.  Sisterhood, the basis for which feminism was established, crosses boundaries.  It transcends race, age, and class.  Isn't sisterhood what the founders of LLLI were looking for?  Even if I have not (yet) experienced childbirth and breastfeeding in my own life, does that make me wholly incapable of providing support to those who have?  It goes back to training, and training I have.  The LLLI motherhood requirement smacks of identity politics, an outdated movement building tool that divides instead of unites.  Solidarity should be the model for childbirth and breastfeeding support organizations, not exclusion.